Am I Wasting My Time?
by A Sorta Fairytale
Summary: Rachel & Finn partner up for a duet, post Sectionals. Now that Quinn and Puck are out of the picture, will things work out or is Finn too broken up to start a new relationship? My first Glee fic! Chapter 6 is up, Review por favor!
1. You & I Both

Disclaimer: Glee, I don't own it, but I love it nonetheless! Jason Mraz owns "You & I Both"

"Am I Wasting My Time?"

Chapter One: You & I Both

I didn't really think Finn would fall into my arms after he was finally free of his parental confines.

Honestly I didn't. Did I entertain the thought? Of course I did. I had it all planned out in my head. He was going to hold my hand and thank me for my honesty, pull Quinn aside and break up with her. Then he would hold my hand and we would walk out of the building hand in hand. It would be quiet but the beating in my heart would be thunderous.

In none of my numerous fantasies did I think Finn would totally unravel and go after Noah the way he did. That he would just storm out of glee. I didn't want that. It took until after Sectionals for the whole club to realize it. I made my peace with Quinn, and while we would never actually have peace, we had an uneasy civility. I have no doubt in my mind that if the roles were reversed she would be merciless towards me, and I can accept that. My dads always told me to be the bigger person, and they should know, homophobia isn't just a myth, and I've heard some awful slurs thrown at our family. The glee kids don't know who I deal with slushie facials in stride. When someone tells you that your family is unholy, you can take some high fructose corn syrup and ice.

It had been two weeks since Sectionals and there was finally some guise of normalcy that had fallen upon them all. Quinn had attempted to go it alone, but because she was now living with Noah, she had grown to accept that he was going to be there for her, even if she initially resisted it. I gazed at the two of them in their chairs, holding hands and talking softly. They weren't exactly the perfect couple, but he was really trying and had not been with another girl, sexting or otherwise. Santana was still a little angry over this, and anyone could see she was waiting for Quinn to let her guard down. Quinn knew how tenuous her hold over Noah was and so she was hyper vigilant. It didn't seem fair to me but as I looked at Finn sitting alone near the back writing in his battered red notebook I realized a lot of things weren't fair.

I found myself walking away from my usual seat and walking to the back of the room towards Finn. I sat next to him and he seemed so far away.

"Finn," I asked gently, he looked up, and I swear I caught a note of annoyance in his raised eyebrow.

"Hey Rachel, did you have a question?" He asked and suddenly my throat went dry because no, I didn't have a question or any real reason to be sitting next to him, or approaching him at all.

"Well, um Finn," and I could see his amused look, I knew what he was thinking, Rachel Berry speechless, what's next? Kurt not following a rigorous skincare regimen? I felt myself falter, and I faked a confidence in my words, "Well Finn, I thought that we were friends, but I never really thought you would shoot the messenger and all that, and I really wish we could go back to what we had, whatever that was. It is better than this, you can't ignore us all forever. I know you are hurting and" I paused when I saw him slowly inching away from me, "Well, just know that I will always listen."

I scurried away, not wanting him to see the panicked tears that threatened to escape my eyelids, when I felt a gentle but sure grip along my forearm, "Sit with me Rach?" He asked quietly and there was no way in the world I could refuse. I turned my head away from him and smiled, smoothed my skirt and placed my messenger bag in the seat next to me.

Mr. Schuester had walked into the choir room with a huge grin on his face. "Well guys, I know that we have to be over our high from taking Sectionals, but we need to stay on our game!" a couple of groans could be heard throughout the room. "I can sense your enthusiasm guys, so this week I want your to pair up for duets. I won't choose the pairs, but I expect results. I want to see something you would be confident performing at Regionals. I'm not saying it will get picked, but we need to see some diverse song choices if we want to take on Vocal Adrenaline. Since today is Monday, I will expect performances ready by Friday. Don't worry too much about choreography, but I want the feeling behind the songs! Okay pair up!"

My heart jumped in my chest and I slowly looked towards Finn. I mean, he could very well walk over to Brittany or Santana and-

"Rachel?" he paused, startling me out of my revelry, "Partners?"

I smiled a Rachel Berry pageant winning smile, "Sure!"

He slowly turned his whole body towards me and in my heart it's a victory. He looks up at me sheepishly and asks "So, what are we going to sing?"

I nervously smooth over my skirt, again, and realize I'm at a loss. I just don't know if he is ready for a power ballad, for the emotion that goes with it. Maybe he would have been at one point but I really don't think we can pull off an "Endless Love." I look at him and pull my iPod out of my bookbag, "I think we should listen to the music that we have been playing the most right now and find a song that just makes us feel passionate. I don't think it really matters if it is a straight duet, we can make anything work, Finn." I smiled at him encouragingly. This is the most contact we had in weeks, I didn't want it to end, or end badly.

I find myself gazing at the top songs that weren't show tunes. Once I got past the Les Miz, Rent, Phantom and Grease, Finn took me by surprise and grabbed my pink iPod from my hands. He took out my headphones and replaced the jack with his, doing the same with his black iPod. I found myself staring at a whole lot of Journey and Guns N Roses. How on earth would I find a song I actually knew?

"This is a whole lotta broadway, Rachel." Finn laughed and the sound was so foreign that when I looked up, a few of the club members were staring, including Kurt. He looked at Finn longingly and then looked up at me with a look of respect, or esteem. Either way I was closer to forgiving him for the whore clown face fiasco. Not quite, but close.

Everyone had slowly walked to different corners to work on their duets. I heard the strains of "American Boy" coming from Mercedes but I was wondering if Kurt could make an effect Kanye because he kept on stomping his feet at her. Tina and Artie were paired off, something had happened between those two that I couldn't pinpoint but they were trying to find a song to sing along to. He saw the first non show tune song was Jason Mraz's "You & I Both." I blushed lightly and turned away when he pointed it out.

"I've heard of Jason Mraz, but just that 'I'm Yours' song. How does this one go?" He asked and I laughed.

"Press play Finn." I looked towards his iPod that I had in my lap when he pulled out the earbud again.

"I want to hear you sing it, Rach." And there were those eyes I couldn't resist and I couldn't help but wonder if he did know the song and was just torturing me. He knew how I felt about him, he knew that the ball was perpetually in his court. Lately though, I wondered if the game was even worth playing any more.

Ugh, sports metaphors, I have it bad for Finn.

I shook my head and looked at Finn's expectant face. I knew the words to this song by heart, and I had sung it with just as much heart these last few weeks. I started out quietly, "Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me? All things are gonna happen naturally. Oh, taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side, and balancing the whole thing. Oh, but at often times those words get tangled up in lines, and the bright light turns to night, oh, until the dawn it brings, another day to sing about the magic that was you and me." My voice slowly got louder as I felt less self conscious about the idea of Finn seeing me sing the song that I listened to over and over just thinking about him, "Cause you and I both loved, What you and I spoke of, and others just read of. Others only read of, of the love, of the love that I loved. See I'm all about them words. Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words; Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards. More words than I had ever heard," Suddenly it was as though I was at home in my bedroom as I sang out loud and clear, "and I feel so alive! Cause you and I both loved, what you and I spoke of , and others just read of, and if you could see me now, oh, you and I, you and I. Not so little you and I anymore. And with this silence brings a moral story. More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy." I smiled at Finn and he smiled back, "And it's okay if you had to go away, oh, just remember the telephones. well, they work in both ways. But if I never ever hear them ring. If nothing else I'll think the bells inside, have finally found you someone else and that's okay, cause I'll remember everything you sang." I felt my heart swell as I finished the final chorus and I noticed all eyes were on me in admiration, but for once I didn't care. I just wanted to know if the person that mattered most had approved. When I looked back towards Finn he smiled.

"That was amazing Rachel, that could be our duet." I smiled.

"It could be, but let's keep working on it, we could find something better." I said modestly. Those words coming out of my lips seemed so foreign, but something about this boy made me feel like sharing, sharing the attention, sharing the responsibility, sharing myself. It's a feeling I still hadn't quite grasped but I tried every day.

We kept going through each others iPods and humming tunes but all too soon the bell rang signaling the end of glee for the day. I grabbed my things and went to switch my iPod with Finn's.

He held tight to it fast, and smiled, "You'll get it back when I go to your house tonight after basketball practice." I smiled back, when he flashed me that smile I was doomed.

"Sounds fine Finn, but we are going to be working, bring your dancing shoes." I smiled and said over my shoulder.


	2. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic

A/N: So many hits but I wish I had more reviews, please! I would like to get some more feedback. Thanks to the three that did review, I appreciate it! But please review! Thanks. Oh and all of you who put me on story alert made my day!

Disclaimer: I don't own it, FOX and Ryan Murphy do. "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" is of course, owned by The Police!

Chapter Two: Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic

It probably wasn't mature to ignore everyone in glee for the last few weeks. Mr. Schue had been the only one who I felt could understand the betrayal I felt. I had kinda heard that his wife wasn't really pregnant and it had been all a lie. He understood how much it hurt to be lied to. I meant it when I said that seeing Quinn and Puck was painful. It was. It had been for about a week after Sectionals. It was slowly getting easier though, I'll admit. Last week I noticed it felt less like a stack of bricks was resting on my chest as I tried to sleep. Seeing Quinn didn't make my stomach hurt like I had too many burritos at lunch. It probably helped that I had yet to see Puck give off a stupid grin or walk around with his usual swagger, because even now it's his lie that hurts the most.

I laughed to myself as I sat in the back row of the choir room: you can't have swagger when you are looking at an 18 year sentence. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved our baby to death, but I'm relieved. Sometimes I think I hate myself just a little for that. Two days after Sectionals I went and took a bottle of Jack Daniels from the liquor cabinet that my mother doesn't keep locked and got drunk. Dirty, filthy gut emptying drunk. I think my mom knows because I remember putting the bottle under my bed, but when I went to return it the next day it was gone. I guess the vomiting and tears were punishment enough in her eyes. I remember watching an MTV True Life where some bulimic girl was talking about how throwing up made her feel like she was in control. I don't quite know if that's how it works but I do feel better, at least, once my stomach stopped churning and aching.

This morning I woke up, put on my clothes and after eating breakfast I realized something. I had not thought about Quinn the entire time. I didn't long for her, I didn't feel angry. I didn't think about her at all. Rachel would say it was a breakthrough, but I'm not sure if that has to do with emotions or just choreography, like the time I finally got a step she had been trying to teach me for two days. Either way I felt good and actually had a smile to greet the day. I got into my beat up car and for once felt like things were going to be okay.

I had good vibes that couldn't have been ruined by a slushie facial. Until I saw Quinn and Puck walking, holding hands. I wasn't angry, not really, and I don't know if I was jealous. It was this emotion I couldn't pinpoint, I knew they would end up together, but...I guess I didn't want to see it. As I approached their direction, I saw Quinn quickly drop his hand. Puck looked startled and when he looked up we met eye to eye. I saw guilt and shame in his, he only saw anger in mine.

So no, I'm not really okay with everything.

It doesn't really help either, that everyone in glee is treating me like I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I know they think I am thisclose to a breakdown again, and I guess I can't blame them after what happened after Rachel told me the truth.

Rachel. Rachel Berry. I think I've hurt her the most. She told me the truth, she told me what no one else had the stones to say. After all the awful things I've done to her. All the things she has forgiven me.

I dream of her every night, I dream of her voice and it's the first thing I hear upon waking. I never had dreams about Quinn quite like the ones I have about Rachel, and it's strange but exciting all at the same time. Sometimes, even though it's not possible, I think somehow Rachel knows. She knows that I've had dreams of kissing her full on the lips and touching those crazy hot legs of hers, I've never wanted to touch a girl as badly as I want to touch her. And if she knew she would be shocked into joining the Celibacy Club again.

It's like my prayers were answered because those gorgeous legs are planted directly in front of my line of vision and frankly I'm flustered. A word I hadn't even heard until Rachel called me on it when she noticed me staring at her during our rehearsals for 'Push It.' I can't even think until I realize she's talking to me. She looks nervous and suddenly I'm almost angry because she thinks I'm angry at her, "Well Finn, I thought that we were friends, but I never really thought you would shoot the messenger and all that, and I really wish we could go back to what we had, whatever that was. It is better than this, you can't ignore us all forever. I know you are hurting and, well, just know that I will always listen."

Suddenly she is walking away almost as quickly as she appeared and I can't resist touching her. Once again, Rachel is the only person who has the courage to say what needs to be said. And so I ask her to stay. She turns away but I can see her smile out of the corner of my eye, and I hear that Rachel Berry sigh of satisfaction.

I never noticed how good she smells. I vaguely am listening to Mr. Schue until I realize we are doing a duet. And we can choose our partners.

You know how sometimes a decision that shouldn't be that big of a deal suddenly feels super important? That's how I feel right now, and it's crazy because I feel like if Rachel doesn't say yes I will be crushed for the second time in one month. I can't even breathe after I ask "Partners?" and exhale softly when she agrees.

I don't know what we are going to do for our duet, I know Rachel loves her standards, but it's strange because for the first time she isn't taking charge. She is asking for my input and that's how we have ended up, sitting knee to knee in the back of the choir room, going through our iPods. I see her biting her lower lip, as though there is a mystery going on in that tiny screen and so I quickly switch iPods and she is shocked and jumps at my touch.

Once I get past all of the show tunes I learn another thing about Rachel. She has a lot of music. Stuff I've never heard of. I wonder why she hasn't put any of these songs on her myspace page. The page I look at every night so I can hear her voice before I go to sleep.

Rachel Berry has comforted me for the last two weeks, and she has no idea.

The first song that isn't a show tune that is on her most played list is "You & I Both" by Jason Mraz. And I ask her to sing it.

And she refuses me at first. Until she surrenders. My mom always say that my puppy dog face will be the end of her. I guess it works on Rachel too. Because she sings it, and she sings it and it is beautiful. I'm pretty sure that this is how that sailor felt when he heard that singing from that island I read about in English. Because I'm drawn to her. And she's singing for me. And I think I understand what she is trying to say.

It's over too fast and her beautiful singing is just this soft tinkling in my ears and I'm beaming. I could listen to her sing this song to me forever, but she is modest when I say we should make it our duet. So when she goes to take her iPod back, I explain she will get it back that night when I come to practice at her house.

She agrees and I leave to basketball practice feeling pretty smooth and better than I had felt this morning, which I didn't know was even possible. I walk into the locker room and even though I could distinctly hear some of the guys joking around with Puck they all step away from him and stay silent as soon as I enter. "Even these assholes have some code of conduct," I think to myself as I unlock my locker and pull out my workout clothes.

"Get your asses out here!" I hear Tanaka yell and all the guys rush out. I'm just tying my shoe when I feel a presence in front of me. My gaze moves up and it's the last person I want to see. Puck.

"Finn, we need to-" he starts and I'm just not ready to hear this shit. I'm in a great mood and I can still see that beautiful look on Rachel's face as she sang about the 'glory of a boy' and I'm not ruining my mood.

"You are nothing to me right now man. Think about that." I growl, pushing him aside, "And stay out of my way."

Puck looks like I punched him, again, and while a small part of me hates being such an asshole, the other part of me could care less. I begin running laps around the court with the guys and shake off the anger.

The rest of practice is like a blur, a long blur. I can't wait to go to Rachel's. When I'm with her I'm not angry. I miss not being angry. After practice ends I run a few more laps to clear my head and then hit the showers. As I shower I start humming the song that's been popping through my head as I thought of Rachel. Her smile. Those gold stickers. That voice. Her smell. "Every little thing she does is magic, everything she do just turns me on, even though my life before was tragic, now I know my love for her goes on..." I can't help but do a little dance and keep singing "Eeee ohhhh, eeee ohh...."


	3. Use Somebody

A/N: Awww thanks for the reviews guys! I do definitely see there is a severe lack of Rachel/Finn and that breaks my heart because honestly, Rachel + Puck is not what I love. Just watching Rachel and Finn sing "Don't Stop Believing" should be the biggest push for Finchel!

Disclaimer: Once again, FOX and Ryan Murphy own Glee. "Use Somebody" is owned by Kings of Leon.

Chapter Three: Use Somebody

As I walked out of the choir room after glee practice I felt like I had just had some 'vitamin D' because my heart was racing and there was this spring in my step. While I do not condone drug use, this was definitely a feeling I could get used to. I didn't even feel this way as I straddled Puck and, well, even though he could be an obnoxious, conceited jerk, he could kiss. I'm still holding Finn's iPod in my hand even though I have put all my other things away.

"Look at the cat who ate the canary..." Kurt says in his sweetly bitchy voice as he walks past me.

"I don't know what you are talking about Kurt." I say resolutely and turn my heels quickly but in my hurry to avoid a confrontation with my, well, gay arch nemesis, I ran directly into Quinn.

"Did you lose oxygen to your brain while you were serenading my ex-boyfriend?" she commented sharply at me before I had the chance to apologize, and I see something in her eyes that isn't quite jealousy but it's something I can't pinpoint.

"I don't know if you were paying attention," I pause for emphasis, "Quinn. But we do have a duet we need to have completed by Friday." I have a couple of more quips ready to fire, but somehow whenever I look at Quinn I just feel pity. Even though the nastiest words could slip out of that beautiful mouth, all I do is look down to that ever expanding baby bump and I can't help but hold my tongue.

She gently grabs the hand that is holding the iPod and turns it on. She goes to playlists and clicks on one titled 'Q+F.' "Good." she says assuredly, "He still hasn't deleted our makeout mix." She softly drops the iPod into my hand. I can feel myself begin to shake with anger when she puts her hand on my shoulder, "Aren't you tired of my hand me downs Rachel?" she says softly and walks away towards Puck who is waiting for her in the doorway.

I throw my shoulders back and put my chin up. I can see Quinn toss her long blonde hair as she looks behind her to see the bloody aftermath of the mental time bomb she just deployed. All I do is smile, and put on my headphones as I walk towards my locker. I quickly get out of the playlists menu and into the most played. I find myself skipping some songs but listening to others. I never saw Finn as an indie rock kind of guy. I figured he stopped listening to music made after 1989. Once again Finn surprises me.

My thoughts fall back to my altercation with Quinn. Was she right? Was Finn still hung up on her? What would happen if me and Finn did end up the way I often daydreamed about? Kissing, but not a clandestine kiss, one that wasn't haunted by Quinn, and by Quinn's baby.

I put the idea out of my mind. "Remember Rachel," I thought to myself, "He knows how you feel, you have shown him over and over. He can act on it if he wants."

I continued towards my locker, grabbing a few textbooks and begin walking home. As I'm walking down the main hallway towards the exit I see Artie and smile, "Rachel," he says, "I loved your rendition of 'You & I Both,' it was really powerful but sweet. It would be great for your duet with Finn."

I find myself blushing again, "Thanks Artie, that means a lot. I'm sure the duet you and Tina are going to present will be great!"

"Well, we haven't really agreed on a song yet, but here's hoping." He says and I smile. As I begin to walk on he stops me with a tap on my hand, "Rachel?" he says and I pause.

"Yes?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but it's nice to see you be modest, to compromise." he says carefully, "It's obvious you are amazingly talented, and while the whole school isn't going to appreciate it, well, just remember it doesn't have to be lonely at the top and if you keep being open to change and different people taking the lead, I'm sure glee won't be so combative for you." He looks away, and I see him lean back into the chair.

"Thanks, Artie. I'm starting to see that too..." I turn away, "I don't want everyone to hate me, you know?" I say quietly, "I've made some mistakes and I'll be the first to admit they've been selfish ones, but, I do want to change. Thanks. Thanks for being honest."

"You of all people deserve honesty, Rachel." He says and we smile at each other.

Maybe one day I will be able to go to glee and not get bitchy comments. I won't hold my breath but I can hope.

The day is clear, but frankly there could be clouds in the sky and I would not even notice when I think about Finn coming over. I look at the clock as I walk into the house and see it's 3:20, and I'm expecting Finn will be over just before six. It gives me enough time to make dinner and maybe put up a song up on my myspace. After planning out my evening, I put Finn's iPod on my dock in the kitchen, put on an apron and began preparing the meat sauce for some lasagna. By four o'clock I have the lasagna in the oven and have garlic bread ready to toast. I bring my laptop from my room to the kitchen so I can watch the oven and work on my U.S. History essay and finish up an English assignment.

Finn's iPod is still playing on shuffle and I hear this amazing song I know I've heard on the radio and can't help but play it again. It's called "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon. I google the song lyrics and fall in love with the song. I put it on repeat and begin to sing it as I typed away on my laptop. Once I finish my homework I decide that today, for once, I would not be putting up another Broadway standard. After checking the lasagna and ensuring it would not burn in the next fifteen minutes, I run back to my room with my laptop and begin setting up my webcam and microphone.

"Here goes nothing," I think as I press record, "It's not like he will ever see it."

My hands shake a little and the lyrics I printed out that I am holding flutter. I hope the comments are not even more hateful now that I'm going to be singing a 'mainstream' song. "I've been roaming around, always looking down at all I see." I'm so used to being alone, Artie is right, I do truly believe it has to be lonely at the top, "Painted faces fill the places I can't reach. You know that I could use somebody, you know that I could use somebody, someone like you. And all you know and how you speak, countless lovers undercover of the street. You know that I could use somebody, you know that I could use somebody, someone like you." I can feel myself grow self assured, and it's no longer the camera I am singing to buy that ridiculous boy that holds my heart, "Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep, waging war to shake the poet and the beat. I hope it's gonna make you notice, I hope it's gonna make you notice, someone like me." The words ring a little hollow in my heart, the only people that watch my videos, it seems, are those spiteful Cheerios, "Go and let it out, someone like you, somebody, someone like you, somebody, someone like you, somebody." I can feel the thunderous music in my head fall to a hush as I sing the last lyrics, "I've been roaming around always looking down at all I see..." I murmur a soft "Thank you," and I press the stop record on my laptop. After uploading the video I return the kitchen to make the salad and toast the bread.

It's 5:45 when I hear the doorbell ring and I know it's Finn because my dads don't aren't getting home until seven or eight. I've already prepared two plates for them that are staying warm in the oven. I quickly walk to the door and smile when I see Finn's face looking at me from the peephole, "It's me, Finn," he says as I begin to unlock the door.

"Hey," I breathe out and he smiles.

"Hey Rach," he says, "Cooking?"

I look at what he is staring at, my bright pink apron, and I blush, "Yeah, I made dinner, my dads are running late today so it's just going to be us." I falter, realizing I never asked if he was even hungry, "Well, unless you have already eaten, I just assumed-"

"No, I haven't, and it smells great Rachel," and he gives me this knockout smile that made my heart skip a beat.

"Well then," I smile and close the door behind us, "Let's eat!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I guess it is safe to say I can add amazing cook to the list of things I never knew but love about Rachel Berry. After pouring me a glass of pomegranate juice ("The antioxidants are great for you," she says matter-of-factly, "but it stains so be careful," she says, gesturing to my white crew neck long sleeve) we dig in This is nothing like the Stauffer's lasagna that me and my mom will share for dinner occasionally, and now I am pretty sure it will be spoiled for me, forever. It's fantastic and I can't believe how comfortable I am sitting in Rachel's dining room eating dinner with her. I know my iPod is playing because I can hear Mick Jagger proclaiming that he can't get no satisfaction and I smile.

Rachel looks up at me questioningly, "I love the Rolling Stones," I say, "Jagger had it all!" She laughs.

"I can't say I disagree." she replies respectfully and begins clearing our dishes. I quickly jump out of my seat to help her and soon I'm pulling up my sleeves washing dishes as she dries everything and puts it away. "Well, let's get started Finn!" she says and I follow her up to her room. As we walk up the stairs I wonder for the fiftieth time how someone so small can have such long legs. It's like CGI or something.

Once again I'm overwhelmed by every pastel color ever created that covers every surface of Rachel's room. I sit on her super soft bed as she sits at her desk.

"So Finn," she asks, "Did you have any epiphanies at basketball practice about what we should sing?"

"Besides the one I had in the showers?" I think to myself, while racking my brain. I have her iPod in my hand again and as I find the song I that we both had rated highly and played highly. I smile when I notice an old beat up acoustic resting against her chest of drawers, and gesture towards it, "I didn't know you played the guitar."

She blushes, "Not nearly as well as I can play piano, I know basic chords and some chord changes but I need to practice really hard to add any other songs to my repertoire, I'm definitely no Artie." I smile and lean over her and do a search for guitar and drum tabs on the internet and print some out, along with song lyrics, "I think I found our duet!"


	4. Don't Look Back In Anger

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews guys, I am recovering from a sudden onset of the flu and the nice words mean a lot, please keep reviewing! Sorry for the wait, hope this was worth it!

Disclaimer: FOX and Ryan Murphy own Glee, Oasis owns "Don't Look Back In Anger"

Chapter Four: Don't Look Back In Anger

I stared at the pages Finn had excitedly printed out for us: Oasis' "Don't Look Back In Anger."

Finn is more perceptive than anyone truly gives him credit for. I'll be the first to admit that I find his clueless nature to be endearing, but when he is this intuitive I can't help but love him even more. I have to be honest and admit that this is one of my favorite songs to sing on Rock Band, a game that no one knows I have but I am very highly ranked on in internet play. We both sat on my bed with the lyrics so we could determine who was going to sing what.

"Well, I think it is safe to say we both know this song?" I nod and Finn continued, "So let's just split the lyrics and then we can start working on your tabs, and I will work on the drumming tabs when I get home." I begin to protest and stop myself. I almost wanted to retort "Since when are you in charge, Finn Hudson?" but I then realize this is precisely the behavior that makes everyone hate working with me. What he suggested is the same thing I would have, but I feel this insane need to be combative, and to ultimately be in control. I reach into my desk drawer and grab some highlighters, and hand Finn a blue one and keep a pink one for myself.

"I figure I'll highlight what I am going to sing and you can highlight what you are going to sing so it's easier for us to practice." I say and begin to read the lyrics over and over again. "This definitely is not going to be a traditional duet, Finn." I say worriedly.

"Okay, yeah Rachel, I totally see that but Mr. Schue always says we need to get to the heart of the song. I think the heart of this song is about new beginnings and how you can be happy if you just accept what has happened."

There is this awkward pause between us because I know this is his way of accepting what happened during 'babygate' but I wonder if he understands why this song is on my most played. Every once in a while I swear Finn Hudson can see right through me and it frightens me. I wonder if he can see the distress on my face and I straighten the lyrics sheet on my desk and begin to highlight. "I think I will take the first three lines, you can take the next three lines, and so on until we hit the first chorus." Finn smiles up at me and I continue, "I think we should sing the chorus' together, and then the next verse you can do the first three lines, I'll do the next three lines and so on." I look at his sheet to make sure he's highlighting and I continue, "Chorus together, continue singing together, and I think as it ends we should alternate 'Don't look back in anger' and sing 'At least not today' together. Sounds good?" He nods and I start playing the song on my laptop, "I hope you got me simple tabs, Finn, because I definitely can't pull off this guitar." I say worriedly.

I feel Finn reach over me and I can feel his chest on my back and my breathing hitches. I turn red as I silently pray he didn't notice and he pulls up Oasis' unplugged version of the song. "See, Rach, you can totally do the tabs for this, that's the version I downloaded. Even the drums are easier to manage." I see him look so excited and it's contagious. I'll learn guitar tabs for Finn Hudson. I'll do a lot of things for Finn Hudson.

* * *

I'm glad Rachel seems so excited to sing "Don't Look Back In Anger." Truthfully, I'm not used to her being so understanding and willing to let someone else make decisions. I'm looking at her in the corner of my eye as we continue to divide the lyrics so we can practice. Does she have any idea how cute she looks when she is thinking really hard and her nose crinkles just a little bit? She is expressing nervousness about the guitar tabs and so I reach over her to play the unplugged and I swear I feel her body shake a little bit and I smile. It's good to know that I'm not the only one being driven crazy. I can faintly smell her shampoo, and it is all I can do to keep my hands to myself.

She reaches over to grab her guitar and puts the tabs on her music stand and begins the first tentative strains, a bit shakey, and it's not nearly as fast as the song usually is. "Slip inside the eye of your mind, don't you know you might find a better place to play?"

She smiles as I smile back at her and continue, "You said that you'd never been, but all the things that you've seen, slowly fade away."

As she grows more accustomed to the beat the tempo increases and she sings with an even bigger smile as she sings "So I'll start a revolution from my bed, cause you said the brains I had went to my head, step outside summertime's in bloom."

I find myself gravitating towards her as I continue, "Stand up beside the fireplace, take that look from off your face," I sing strongly and it's like I'm singing to everyone, not just Rachel, but to Puck and Quinn, "You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out!"

* * *

The energy in the room has risen dramatically and it's taking all of my practice as a singer to be able to play these tabs while Finn Hudson is singing to me. Whenever I move my eyes from the sheets in front of me for a split second, those clear gorgeous eyes are staring right back at me and I'm flustered and my fingers tremble. As we start the first chorus, I don't quite nail the chord change and we both pause at the hanging note. I flush a deep crimson and stop playing. I can't even bear to look up, and I merely mumble a "Sorry, I thought I had it but I guess I didn't. You sounded amazing though."

Once again my heart is pounding a mile a minute because he is gently touching my chin with his thumb and coaxing my head up. When I finally look up his eyes are warm and he says softly, "Don't be sorry, I don't expect you to sound like a member of Oasis on the guitar for," he pauses, "At least a week."

"Oh," I say, sarcastically, "You think it will take me that long?" I say and put my guitar down and softly slug his shoulder in mock anger. "I'm Rachel Berry!"

Suddenly he reaches over me towards my desk, and before I can even realize it, he has stuck one of my signature gold stars on the end of my nose. "You forgot that after your name." He says in a matter-of-fact tone and that's all we need because we burst into a fit of hysterics.

* * *

I thought I had forgotten what it was to laugh this hard. I thought for a split second I may have gone too far by putting a gold star on Rachel's nose, but she is holding her stomach and her eyes are closed and I think the sweet twinkling of her laughter is second only to her singing voice. I'm dying too and sure enough we are both rolling on the floor at the foot of her bed. As she goes to lean back for another belly laugh I notice she is about to hit her head on the bed frame and I quickly lean forward.

For the second time today I feel like time has slowed down and suddenly everything feels hot.

The air feels hot.

My head feels like it's swimming, like I've got a buzz and that's what I'm hearing, a slight buzz. I'm slightly on top of Rachel, and I'm cradling her head with my left hand and my left arm is bent at the elbow supporting both of our weight. I can feel her breathing heavily where are stomachs are touching and I can see her face, eyes staring right into mine and her lips are slightly open.

Looking at her lips is all it takes and I lose any control I had. For a second I wonder if she will throw me off of her but she doesn't. She opens her mouth and that's all the invitation I need. If I thought her smell had thrown me for a loop it's nothing compared to this. This is the Super Bowl Sunday of Rachel Berry. She has one hand on the back of my head and the other tightly gripping the back of my shirt and it's almost becoming too much and I can feel myself need to start thinking of the mailman. Rachel suddenly rolls me over and she is on top of me and it is too much and I can feel all of her and I think it's too late and-

* * *

This is so much better than making out with Noah Puckerman and pretending it's Finn Hudson. While Noah was smooth and fast and made me wonder how my bra had suddenly stopped supporting me because he had managed to unhook it, Finn was soft and sweet and almost too slow. I want to feel more of him and I managed to roll over and get on top of him and he starts shaking under me and begins to grab my hips to move me and I feel my cheeks grow hot as embarrassment and shame begin to rear their ugly heads, "Finn," I look away, "What is it?"

I finally am able to look him directly in the eye and he starts stammering, "It's just, it's just," and as I shift my body to get off of him I realize that there is no way he isn't as into this as I am. His eyes get big when he realizes I've brushed against his prominent excitement and starts stammering yet again, "It's just Rach, it's just I don't want to-well I don't want to you know, I don't want to 'mprettysureIam."

It's like fresh oxygen is now pulsing through my lungs and I chuckle softly and then reach down to kiss his jaw. He still feels tense as I kiss him softly.

Kiss, "I," kiss, "don't," kiss, "care." I say and kiss him with renewed vigor, smiling into his mouth, "I don't do your laundry." I say and he kisses me full on the lips.

* * *

I can't believe Rachel doesn't care. Quinn would get so mad whenever I finished when we were just making out. It's almost like Rachel wants it to happen because she is grinding against me and when I shudder against her, squishing up my face she kisses me gently and says, "Go clean yourself up," and smiles.

When I return to her room we realize how late it is and since I am in no mood to meet up with both dads after having done some inappropriate, I grab my backpack and she walks me downstairs. She smiles as she walks me to the door and I kiss her softly. I walk to my car and get in. As I drive home, I feel something on the back of my neck and smile as I pull off a gold sticker from my skin and stick it on the middle of the steering wheel.


	5. Teenage Love Affair

A/N: Sorry. Life got in the way of creativity. Life in the form of renovations, severe allergies to renovations, bronchitis and pneumonia as a result. That and the dramas at work. But I'm breathing and here we go! I'm also wondering if I should make this story M although I've never dabbled much into that...what do you guys think?

Disclaimer: Still don't own it, but I'll never stop believin'! Alicia Keys owns "Teenage Love Affair"

Chapter 5: Teenage Love Affair

I know I have a flair for the dramatic but honestly, if this is not the time for a dramatic twirl, exaggerated sigh and falling onto my bed then when is it appropriate?

He kissed me.

He kissed me.

HE KISSED ME!

I got him so worked up that he, well, he, and there it was, I could feel a blush that worked itself from my ears through to my entire body. It's not that I didn't let Noah get some under the bra action but somehow with Finn, with Finn it was different. I know Finn would never take advantage of me, even in the heat of the moment. I squinted my eyes shut and put my head in my hands as I thought about how I straddled him and ground my hips into his. Clown whore, indeed.

"Nothing sad about the entire thing, though," I thought and started to giggle.

I could feel the air get hot again and realized I needed to think about something else. I picked up my guitar and began strumming the chords to the song again, only to think about Finn's lips on mine and the way his hands were just the perfect amount of rough along the bare skin underneath my cardigan and.

This wasn't working. At all.

I grab my phone and start to text Finn.

"I can't stop thinking about you...sorry about your pants. ;)"

...oOo...

_Can't wait to get home  
Baby dial your number  
Can u pick up the phone  
Cause I wanna holla _

I'm struggling to abide by the speed limit because all I want to do is go home and call Rachel and just talk about everything. I want to say all the things that weren't said. For once I want to be the mature one. I want to be better for her. She's always the one who has to clarify things and put the cards out on the table. I want to beat her to the punch. I want Rachel Berry to be my girlfriend. And somehow, the idea of her asking me first isn't so much cute as much as proof that I can be such a pussy.

I hear the ding of my phone and resist the urge to check to see if it's from Rachel. After hitting someone with your car you keep your eyes on the road, but it's tough to ignore the persistent chirp. I tap my hands to the oldies that are playing on my radio and will the lights to turn green, hoping that dry humping Rachel Berry could give you jedi powers.

It doesn't, and it takes the usual ten minutes for me to pull up in front of my house. I'm relieved to see my mom isn't home and I am able to take off my clothes, change into some fresh ones and throw my jeans into the washer. As soon as I'm wearing a pair of pajama pants I walk into my room and check my phone and can't believe that Rachel was borderline sexting me.

I mean seriously, best day ever.

...oOo...

Here is a fun fact. You can't take text messages back. I thought I was being cute but Finn has yet to text me back. Maybe it was too racy? Maybe he thinks I'm a total skank, like Santana? I know Finn is a virgin, too. Maybe I made him super uncomfortable? It's been 8 minutes and forty two seconds and I almost fall off of my bed when the familiar strains of Finn's ringtone (Don't Stop Believin' because every single time I hear it I feel like my heart could burst out of my chest.) and I quickly press "Accept" on the touchscreen and almost drop the phone as I place it to my ear.

"Hey," I say and smile.

_Daydreaming about you all day  
In school can't concentrate  
Want have your voice in my ear  
'Till ma comes and says its too late _

"Sorry I couldn't reply to your text, I was driving," Finn says quickly, and I let out the breath I'd been holding and smile, rolling over on my bed and clutching my stuffed panda.

"It's okay," I respond and smile, waiting for him to continue. I hear him clear his throat.

"Well yeah, I had to drive and then come home and well change and then I checked my phone. You know, earlier was, well-"

...oOo...

I can't believe how I forgot why it's always Rachel that has to do the talking in these situations. I'm pretty much terrible at it. I stutter and stumble and I'm seriously afraid that if I fuck this up with my mouth I'll never feel her mouth again. And that would really suck. "I just want you to know that besides the fact that it was awesome, it was also special. It was special how you are special. I mean, of course you know you are special Rachel and-"

"Thanks, Finn, I know I say I'm special and I do the gold star thing," Rachel says but her voice begins to quiet and get shaky, "but the truth is I don't always feel special, and I know I'm not a popular cheerio but I" and I realize suddenly I need to interrupt her because she's going to end up clarifying our relationship and I want to do that, dammit.

_I wanna give you this letter  
Of all the things I cant say  
Want you to be my first my last my ending and beginning _

"Rachel I could care less if you were a Cheerio. I don't care if we get slushie'd every day I hold your hand. I'll do it willingly. Will you be my girlfriend?" I wait eagerly for her to reply and I can hear the smile in her face when she does.

"Yes Finn."

And I'm beaming ear to ear. I could get used to this feeling. It was like a drug.

...oOo...

_I wrote your name in my book  
You last name my first  
I'm your Mrs. _

I brace myself for the impact of galactic grape hitting me square in the face from the stupid hockey goons when I see it shoved back into their faces by Finn.

My boyfriend, Finn Hudson.

I cannot tire of saying it, in my head or out loud, though I fear if I continue reiterating it Finn might get annoyed, or embarrassed. He holds my hand as we walk to the choir room for glee and I know I must look borderline insane but the smile I have will just not fade. I'm unabashedly happy.

As we sit side by side, my head resting lightly on his shoulder, I notice Quinn glaring at me. It's not an unusual occurrence for her to do so, and frankly, today I could care less.

_Nothing really matters  
I don't really care  
What nobody tell me  
I'm gonna be here  
It's a matter of extreme importance  
my first teenage love affair _

I love how comfortable I can be with Finn now, the weird shame we felt for liking each other is gone and we are just relaxed with each other. I see Kurt giving me a small look of defeat with a half smile. I look at him meaningfully and he sighs and straightens his beret in a jaunty manner.

...oOo...

Mr. Schue is saying something but all I can think about is how soft Rachel's fingers are as I gently massage them in my hand. I had figured that we were just going to be practicing our duets in glee today and so I figured we would both be practicing with our tabs. I gaze over at everyone in the club and it's like I haven't really looked at everyone in so long. Tina is practically hanging off of Artie and Mercedes and Kurt look like a pair of divas and I seriously wonder if they are going to explode. My eyes fall on Puck and Quinn and that familiar pain is nothing but a dull ache now, but before I can look away Quinn's eyes catch my own. It's an intimate look and it makes me uncomfortable and I quickly turn away only to feel Rachel stiffen against me.

"What was that about?" she says softly and I shrug my shoulders.

"I don't know Rach," I say as I look into her concerned eyes but before I can continue we both notice Quinn walk up to the band and start handing them sheet music. I look at Puck and he shrugs his shoulders, too.

I feel a knot in the pit of my stomach as Quinn walks up the microphone stand, adjusts it, stares right at me and begins to sing.


	6. If I Can't Have You

A/N: I'm trying to update more than once every two months so here we go. I'm sorry about the POV breaks, I'm really trying to fix them. The ones I was using originally worked fine and now they won't :( So I had to reupload the last chapter so I hope that worked out. Well here we go! Oh and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS. Honestly they are the reason I choose to sit at my computer typing rather than unpack and do laundry (what I should be doing).

Disclaimer: I still don't own it, I still can't stop believin', and Kelly Clarkson owns "If I Can't Have You"

Chapter 6: If I Can't Have You

I'm Quinn Fabray. I used to be Queen Quinn Fabray but you let one smooth talking Jew talk you out of your panties when you are buzzed off wine coolers and you become Quinn Fabray, living proof that you should have stayed abstinent.

A lot of it just stems from life not being fair, I think. I mean Santana freaking Lopez has had sex with half of the (decent looking) male population and she can still hold in her pee for longer than twenty minutes.

I sigh loudly and all Puck does is roll his huge arm onto my chest and he is so warm I can't take it! He is a dead weight when he sleeps so taking his arm off of me is a daunting task and once completed I lie very still and try to cool off. I put my body pillow between my legs as comfortably as possible and fall into a light sleep. Except it is anything but a light sleep and I dream...

_My lower back hurts as I walk slowly down the halls to English Lit class. Between juggling my messenger bag and propping my left hand along the small of my back I find that the path between buildings is much too long for a pregnant girl to have to trek. _

_Wait. That's can't be._

_But it is. I see Finn holding Rachel from behind and I drop my messenger bag on the floor as I see her look at him and she reaches up towards him and kisses him softly on his lips and giggle. Suddenly I feel hot from head to toe and I feel a wave of possessiveness as I stalk towards the couple, my messenger bag on the floor, forgotten._

"_What the hell, man hands?" I yell but my fury slowly drips off of me as I see her turn towards me slowly taking off her yellow peacoat only to reveal the crisp red and white of a Cheerios uniform._

"NO!" I scream as I wake up with a start causing Puck's arm that had already fallen over me again to slap him across the face.

"Shit, Quinn!" Puck yells angrily at me and then I see the anger in his eyes dissipate. "I mean, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I dismiss him quickly, resuming my previous position with my back to him, "Just a bad dream." and I go back to sleep.

...oOo...

Contrary to popular believe Puck isn't really a bad person. He's just made a lot of bad decisions. Most of them stemming from his love of the ladies. I do notice the little things he does, the way he grabs my messenger bag whenever he is with me, the way he always has a Pepcid or a Tums with him in his wallet just in case I need one. The way he really has stopped sexting Santana. Sometimes I think he might just love me. I know he loves the fact that a part of him is growing inside of me. And I know he vows not to be a Lima Loser, and I know that the odds are stacked sharply against him.

I know it hurts him that when I see Finn in the halls I drop his hand like it's on fire. It's just that there is one thing I will always love Finn for.

The way Finn would look at me. Like I would never hurt him, that I was beautiful. Except now he looks at Rachel like that. He looks at her like he used to look at me. I feel the tears well up behind my eyes as I realize he looks at her differently from the way he looked at me. He looks at her with love. To him I was just a title.

I was Queen Quinn Fabray.

And now I'm just knocked up Q. A cautionary tale. He has a girl who he deserves.

Puck is lightly massaging my lower back and I turn and catch Finn's eye. It's no longer the look of betrayal, or sadness. It isn't love or adoration. It's not quite pity and it's not quite anger. It just is.

And I walk up to the podium and hand out the sheet music to the band. I look down at Puck and smile ruefully. He's going to be angry but Mr. Schue always says that Glee is about expressing how you feel. Even if right now I don't quite know how I feel.

I begin to sing and look straight at Finn, "Hearts break too fast, when they're sentimental. Won't stay, won't last, when it's love at first sight. So why are my convictions blinded by your spotlight?" I begin and say spotlight with extra venom, directing it at Rachel, only to see her look down at her hands uncomfortably.

"Can't breathe, can't sleep need some medication. I'll kiss goodbye to my reservations. I know there's other fish out in the sea." I can see Puck looking at me with hurt and confusion, "Not for me, I want you. If I can't have you, then I don't want anyone! If I can't have you, then all the damage has been done! Baby, you can break these rules if you wanna have some fun. Think of all the love that you will lose. If I can't have you!" I can see Brittany and Santana gossiping with their mouths whispering into each others ears but this is so freeing and I know there is going to be hell to pay in two minutes but I continue, "Heartbeat, cold sweat, thoughts slipping under. Can't fight, no threat 'cause there's just no use. One look, no hesitation, I'm slipping into you." I see Puck grab his messenger bag and walk out of the room and I begin to falter, "Forgive these eyes, these lips you're tasting. No time to waste on an invitation. My shame, my self-control has suffered enough. And everybody wants to be loved!" As I catch Finn's eyes I see Rachel see it and she storms out, but not in her true Glee fashion. She walks out defeated and Finn follows her and I'm trying so hard to finish, "If I can't have you, then I don't want anyone. If I can't have you, then all the damage has been done. Baby, you can break these rules..." But with Finn out of the room I lose my steam and just let the band continue as the tears fall down my face.

This is the part where the main character thinks "What have I done?" But I know what I've done. And I don't even know what I expected to happen. Did I expect Finn to come back to me? Did I want Finn to come back to me? Damn these hormones! I want Puck to look at me like he loves me. I'm just another conquest to him. And it hurts me so much. I walk outside the choir room and head to the bathroom. I see Finn standing by the door and I turn to talk to him but before I can even get close to him he starts.

"Don't even start Quinn. You were out of fucking line." He looks towards my belly, directing his next statement to it, "Sorry." His eyes refocus onto mine, "Rachel did not deserve that. I thought you were better than that."

I stumble towards him and all I want is to feel his arms around me but he steps back before I can latch onto him, "Finn, I," the tears are coming down more forcefully, "Finn, I'm sorry."

"I know you are," he says ruefully and begins to walk away.

"Finn, it's just," and suddenly I have no idea what I want to say, "Finn I love Puck, and I think he loves me but he doesn't look at me like you used to!" But I'm yelling at nothing because he's walking away and his back is a brick wall I can't penetrate.

I turn towards the lockers and begin crying at full force. I hate these hormones! I feel an arm around me and I look up and it's Puck, and I cry even harder because I know I've ruined everything.

Instead he looks at me calmly and begins to speak, "I can't look at you the way Hudson used to because I've always known you were hiding claws. And if you can't deal with me knowing the real Quinn Fabray then let me know." And as quick as Finn, he walks away leaving me against the lockers. I slowly push the door open and walk into the bathroom.

I turn the faucet on and start throwing water on my face and will myself to stop crying. I can hear someone else crying and I know it's Rachel. And I know I can't face her right now so I grab some paper towels, avoid looking towards the handicapped stall in the far corner of the room and walk out.

_Think of all the love that you will lose  
If I can't have you _


End file.
